well THAT was an interesting day...

went to sleep around 9 am, got up at 4.30, and went to work, business as usual.

got myself into a situation involving friends and an upcoming trip and not knowing how to solve the problem... what followed was a panic attack. or at least, as far as i can tell, that's what it was.... either way, it wasn't fun.

i actually had one of these a few days ago, driving home from a friend's house. i was just cruising down the old highway (it was about 2 am, so not too late), and for really no reason, i got really scared and convinced that i was going to die somehow. every the people in every car i passed were threats to my life, and when i got home, i pretty much melted. it was pretty crazy. my heart was going a mile a minute, and i must've been breathing twice as fast as normal.

tonight's ended in nearly puking before going back to work completely freaked out (because really? i had no idea what's going on), and exhausted. i got sent home early for safety reasons (the example given to me was something about a person deciding to attack me because i'm in a uniform, and me not being able to defend myself). i didn't want to go, but it probably was for the best.

ok, i just read up on panic attacks from WebMD.com (panic attacks), and it sounds about right. i have a doctor's appointment back in Eugene at the end of the month when i go up for my sister's wedding, so i'll figure it out then. in the meantime.... how the fuck do i make this not happen again?!

whatever. in other news, Clyde is doing well. he's a fairly cheap date (food costs are about $2/week, and dirt is $7 for a brick that lasts him... well... since i've gotten him), and doesn't talk back. we occasionally have to have chats about his difficulty opening up, and this constant glare he's got going... but all in all, it's working out.

yeah, that sounded a bit crazy, even for me.... must be time for bed. cheers, and hopefully something wonderful will happen soon so i have a topic of interest to write about. night!

package came!

it was my stuff from Kyle's place. hurray for getting shit back! the box had one of my work undershirts (why in hell's name he had it i have no idea), a book, a pillcase, a lighter, and other essentials :p

lessee.... 8 days until my birthday! huzzah

i'm going to go on a ride-along with a cop friend now, so everybody stay safe and legal, or i'll come bust your ass.

hooray for sun!

Clyde and I just got back inside from sitting outside and enjoying the sun (i was freckling, and Clyde was digesting Calcium). it was lovely. too bad the sun went down so fast.

i may have to go outside earlier to avoid this whole "sunset" thing. :p

life around here is pretty smooth. wake up, either go to work or not, eat if i feel like it, hang out with people, take care of Clyde, and go back to bed. rinse and repeat.

i got a package in the mail today, but the mail room was closed, so i'll have to get it tomorrow. i wonder what it is.... ah, the suspense! i can't take it! but i must.... be strong, Meghan, be strong...

fuck this. i'm going to go find the mailroom manager and get him to open it for me. suspense = killing. i hope it's my stuff from Kyle's place. my mother sent the box down to me after he dropped it off in Eugene. wouldn't it be novel to have my own belongings? :P